Scenario :
"A couple have been together off and on many times, recently just broke up and now he's dating someone else. (he doesn't know what he wants) But She know he still has very big feelings for her and She want advice and help on getting him back. Even though he's dating someone right now, he still has feelings for her, and She need help on getting him back with She and not with her."
An Advice :
The first important issue is that you're ignoring all the important signs your ex is giving you. Please don't be naive...Wake up!
Realize what's going on here.
If he's dating someone else, you've got to start moving on.
He doesn't share your feelings of wanting to back together.
If you challenge this idea, you need to recognize that he's not in the right place in his life to share what you want with him.
This doesn't mean you should to go out and try to date right now, but you need to take your mind off him.
This is hard for a woman when you still have feelings for him.... but you're setting yourself up for ALL KINDS of pain and disappointment.
Note : Couples get back together like this... but the odds are things don't look good for this old relationship.
The more you can distance yourself from your ex whose dating another woman, the happier you'll be.
PERCAYA LAH!!!! hehhehe
Doing this is tough, but you've got to.
You're also making a lot of assumptions about his feelings when you say "he has very big feelings for me" when you know he's dating someone else.
Thinking about this only keeps you stuck on him and his feelings.
If you listen to the signals your ex is sending you, you'll see that his "feelings" are just his way of holding onto you for his own comfort.
He's already dating another woman.
That should give you a clear idea of where his mind is at (not focused on getting back with you) and what his "feelings" TRULY are.
What to do first and foremost....
Think about making some decisions for YOURSELF.
Right now it sounds like your waiting for him to make all the decisions.
Think about what YOU WANT to be happy, and remember all the things your ex has done and said to let you know he's not committed to sharing his love with you.
If you give him and yourself some space, a funny thing might happen you won't expect....
Your ex-boyfriend won't have the comfort of two women who both want his affection.
He won't know that you're still there waiting for him - and this will trigger thoughts and actions in him that will ultimately help resolve your situation.
Until then....
For your own well-being, it's important you let him know he can't keep sharing his intimate feelings with you while he's dating another woman.
HERE'S A RULE YOU NEED TO REMEMBER:
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Never allow men who have "someone else" in their life to keep sharing and expressing their feelings for you.
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It's wrong on several levels... for you most of all.
When a man can have the affection of two women, and he's in a place where he's emotionally non-committed to neither, odds are he will try to keep this situation going for as long as possible!
Not all men would do this, but men who are "unavailable," as it sounds your ex is, can continue multiple intimate situations at once.
You don't want to date a man that's in this place in his life.....
NO AMOUNT of talking, experience or reasoning with him can get him to feel the way you want him to feel.
You can't change a man's emotional depth and where he's at in his life.
"Getting him back" is a bad idea.
Rarely does this give you what you think you want.
It's a losing battle, and you're going to end up being hurt or upset again as you undoubtedly keep moving farther and farther away from what YOU ideally want and closer and closer to whatever strange and unhealthy situation he's creating.
If you feel like you HAVE to see this through, then be careful. You're going against the odds.
Don't be "that girl."
And you'll ruin your chances if you think you can "convince" him to come back to you through shows of affection, appeals to his desires or other "gifts" to bribe him.
IT DOESN'T WORK!
Instead, you should think about the times you've broken up and the times you've seen that he wasn't personally ready for a relationship.
Those things are as real as the strong feelings and emotions you feel that keeps you coming back.
Use the issues and challenges you had together as a guide or a reminder of what's keeping you two apart now.
And once you start doing this, you're going to be strangely surprised at what starts to happen for you...
Once your guy notices that he doesn't have you waiting around for him like a puppy dog to figure it out, while he's off doing god knows what with other women, there's going to be a big change in his attitude and behavior.
It doesn't make "sense," but that's how it WORKS.
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You've got to learn to understand and identify "EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE" men.
If a man doesn't know what he wants, he generally doesn't want what he's got.
This may sound harsh, but it's the truth of the situation. And even when it isn't completely true, it's a good rule to go by.
A good man who is the right person and wants to be with you will find his own way to his "Emotional Truth."
If his truth is that he wants to be with you, or not be with you, you have to respect that.
The guy will be sending all kinds of subtle (or even direct) signs that he's not "available" or interested in something "serious", but the woman ignores them and just pays attention to the fact that he likes being with her when they're together.
In other words, she substitutes the physical connection, or even the occasional emotional connection, for the real relationship she wants to be in.
WRONG!
Men have a different "love equation" from women:
A strong connection does NOT necessarily equal any interest in a relationship.
That's why it's CRITICAL that women learn to read the signals that a man sends about where he's at.
Because he's surely not going to just lay it all out there for you.
When a guy isn't interested in a relationship, and he's doing something like seeing other women, here's what most women start doing that makes things go from bad to worse...
They start trying to "fix" things, and "fix" the guy.
And then comes the "convincing" behavior, trying to convince the man that they are the right one for him, and that because they have such a great connection, a loving "relationship" is the only right way to go.
It might sounds bizarre.
Why would a man have a great woman and a great connection with her that felt amazing when they were together, and not want a relationship?
You can't convince a man to want to be with you...
When he can't get in touch with his feelings and isn't open to exploring them, it's a text-book case of unavailability.
Don't mean that he can't share feelings or some level of intimacy with you....
In fact, for sure he still likes to connect with you when things are easy-going and he's not feeling "pressure" around you.
But your ex sharing his feelings with you can easily confuse you into thinking that he is potentially the right guy and ready for a long-term relationship.
But when a guy is unavailable, he has a fear of getting deeper into a relationship that he knows he's not ready for.
In his own way he's tried to tell you this several times.
Here's what he's saying:
Yes, I have "feelings" for you.
And no... that doesn't mean I want to be in a relationship with you and be faithful.
Take some time to think about the past with your ex, and then compare that to what will honestly make YOU happy, and what kind of relationship you want in your future.
Put more value on his actions, not his words.
Get back to the things that you enjoy, the places you like to go and avoid places or things you used to do or see with your ex.
Spend some time with your friends and give yourself the space you deserve.
The less you talk about your ex and this situation for now, the better off you'll be.
You'll be amazed at the results.
You'll just plain old feel better.
But even better than that, you'll be breaking the old connection that you had with your ex.
And as counterintuitive as it sounds, breaking out of your old connection is actually the thing that's going to change the situation for you the most and help get you the results you want.
Right now, your convincing him and your wanting him back, even when he's with another woman, is making you come off in all kinds of ways that men just don't respond well to.
Well....it seems like the best idea to keep trying to stay in touch with him and keep the connection alive.
But the truth is that you're just keeping this same old situation alive by pumping your time and attention into it.
If instead, you step back and stop chasing him or trying to convince him you're the right woman, you'll have an opportunity to do something that can honestly be ATTRACTIVE to him-
You first leave a space that he'll not recognize and not understand, which will first get him thinking about you and then wondering why you aren't acting the way you used to.
Men love "new" things and curiosities.
Plus, you'll also be able to give him the space he's tried asking you for in his emotionally-retarded, unavailable "man-speak."
Something funny happens when a man gets the space he asked for-
If you do it in the right way, he's forced to deal with himself and his own feelings to figure out that all the things he is worried about, afraid of, fearful of "committing to", etc.
And being by himself, he'll see that these things are really just in his own mind - and not bad things about YOU.
In other words - he won't keep taking all the old "stuff" from the past that wasn't working and keep identifying it with YOU.
But you've to go know the way to "re-wire" the connection once you've broken the old one.
And if you can do this.....guarantee he'll come calling wondering about you.
There are several psychological and behavioral "keys" that will help to open a man up, and just as importantly, make him feel that electric kind of ATTRACTION for you.
This goes for the "unavailable" guys too who seem to keep withdrawing and don't communicate much about their feelings or what they want.
These guys are the toughest ones.
If there's just ONE PIECE OF ADVICE that holds more power for women than any other when it comes to men, it's this concept of only dating emotionally-available men.
If you're dating, wouldn't it be great to know what kind of guy you're dealing with FROM THE START?
And if think you're already got an unavailable guy on your hands, and you're wondering what you can do after all the frustrating disappointments that have gone on...
So make the choice to do something about your love life and create the situation you want in your life.
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